Fragments Of You And Me
by Fullsteel
Summary: Contains spoilers for CoE: Day 4 and 5. Fragments of you and me. Are all memories going to give Jack a push to move forwards, or will it push him over the edge? Are the memories just a haunting, or a blessing? -Janto-


**Fragments Of You And Me**

**AN: **Okay, so I've watched all of Torchwood: Children of Earth now. Actually several hours ago, and I swear I almost cried my eyes out. I must say that Torchwood is bloody freaking amazing. It will always be my favorite show, always! I was kind of considering putting this up as a second chapter of **Wouldn't Change It For Anything**, but I think it works stand-alone as well.

**Summary: **A week have passed and Jack can't bring himself to move forward after all that have happened. Will memories with Ianto give him a push in the right direction or push him over the edge?

**Warnings: **No warnings this time I believe. **Except for spoilers for Children of Earth Day 4 and Day 5.**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Torchwood, I just love to write about it!

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Everything was feeling so cold and distant. Almost unreal.

Every breath he sucked down in his lungs felt like it filled him up with ice. As if he was breathing poison. The very same poison that Ianto had breathed in. The same poison that had killed Ianto Jones.

But Jack Harkness would never die. He'd go on. He'd keep living, going strong even though he wanted to give up so badly. When he had watched Ianto die in his arms he had felt how much he loved him... and he hadn't been able to bring himself to say it to Ianto even though the other had told him that he loved Jack.

"_I love you."_

"_Don't."_

Jack could admit it, he had been a coward. He had tried to tell himself that it wouldn't hurt as much if he didn't admit that he loved Ianto. But the truth was that it hurt more than anything. And now, a week later, he was still feeling the pain. It was slowly numbing him from everything around him. It was as if he had stopped, but the world was still moving. The world was relieved. All they knew was that their children were saved. That some mistake had taken place.

What the world didn't know was that they just had survived a crisis. A crisis that could have killed them all. And they didn't know about the sacrifices that had been made.

The sacrifices that Jack had been forced to make. His Ianto. Steven. Many more.

And these were the things that held Jack back. He couldn't bring himself to start move forward just yet. He didn't think he deserved to go on since he was the one to blame for so many things. He'd never be able to forgive himself for what he had done to Steven. And Alice, he'd never be able to face his daughter again... not after sacrificing her son, his grandson, to save the world.

What made Jack feel like an even more horrible person was that the loss he suffered most of was Ianto, while he somehow felt that he should feel more for his own family. But his last minutes with Ianto was still being played in his mind, as a tape set on repeat.

"_Don't forget me."_

"_In thousand years time. You'll remember?"_

"How could I ever forget you Ianto? It's never happening..." he whispered into the night air as he glanced down from the top of the building he was standing on, seeing the town move on. If those people out there over the planet knew how much Ianto Jones had done for them during his years in Torchwood. How many times he had saved their lives... then he would be more than just a a name registered among the people who had died in the Thames House.

He shut his eyes and let out a shuddering breath. One week had felt like an eternity. And that said a lot since Jack had lived so long. He could not imagine how the rest of his life would feel. His never ending life without Ianto by his side.

Ianto Jones would be remembered. From the very first day they met. Fragments of their time together was running through his mind.

"_Like a butler! I could be a butler!"_

A small smile slipped up on Jack's face. Oh how desperate Ianto had been to get into Torchwood 3. But after a while it was clear why... Lisa. He had wanted to get in so he had somewhere he could put Lisa in safety, somewhere he could try and find a way to miraculously 'cure' her.

That day Jack had been holding a gun against Ianto's head. But when he had seen the man's despair, how much he wanted to save his love... then Jack couldn't keep pointing it at him. Ianto hadn't been trying to harm anyone. Just save the woman he loved. Jack had seen that Ianto was a good person at heart.

God. So much had happened since then, and it was first after Lisa's death that they started to develop a relationship that first of all just was a shag a bit then and then. But it became so much more later on.

"Ianto I did... no, I do love you. I'll always do," he murmured to no one in particular, his gaze set into the distance.

Jack didn't believe in ghosts, but he hoped that somehow, somewhere, Ianto was hearing him. He wanted him to know about the love he never had dared to confess to him. Poor Ianto... he had died far too young, along with Tosh and Owen. It was unfair. So unfair to watch everyone else die when he had unlimited time.

He sighed and stepped down from the edge of the building, just letting the rain wash over him. It had been raining everyday since _that_ happened. Exactly a week.

"The world cried when you died, Ianto," he softly said as the rain caressed his skin, "And it still does..."

Jack had first gotten up on the tall building because he had a wish to die. He wanted to throw himself down and die. He had wished that maybe... maybe that would be his final death. That way he could just let go of all responsibilities over the world, and Torchwood. And Jack had already killed himself three times since Ianto died. He had hoped that maybe he'd just see a glimpse of him. But nothing had happened.

Jack Harkness had been coming back each time, just like his usual deaths. Just a little bit more hurting for each time.

"Jack?"

Jack hastily turned around to face Gwen who stood a few meters away from him, with an umbrella in her hand.

"Gwen..." he said and trailed off, he didn't really have anything to say.

Gwen bit her bottom lip before she slowly walked up to him, "You're not thinking of jumping off a building again, are you?" she worryingly asked.

Jack smiled weakly, "I thought about it but... Ianto..." he trailed off and sighed. Thinking back on it.

Even though Ianto had known that Jack couldn't die he had never liked seeing or hearing about Jack's different deaths. The many times Ianto had hugged him to comfort him after a death was warming. Or maybe it had simply been Ianto clinging to him, grateful to still have him by his side. Either way, Ianto had hated seeing Jack die.

Gwen patiently looked at Jack who seemed to be in a deep thought. She could almost feel that it was a memory with Ianto. Gwen herself was going through them all the time. A sad smile slipped up on her lips as she thought of a thing that happened just a few days ago. Rhys had served her a cup of coffee, in an attempt to comfort her. She had ended up crying her eyes out because simple coffee reminded her about Ianto. Poor Rhys had immediately felt guilty about it.

After a while Jack opened his mouth again, "Ianto wouldn't want me to. He hated seeing it... it would only hurt him," he softly said and sighed as he pulled a hand through his wet hair.

"And I'm no good at suicide," Jack said after they had been standing there in a minute of silence, just looking into each other's eyes, "I've been selfish, haven't I?"

"Yes... you've been..." Gwen said after a while, "But everyone is allowed to be a bit selfish once in a while," she quickly added with a reassuring smile on her face. You had to care about yourself sometimes... even though throwing yourself off of buildings wasn't the best way.

Jack smiled sadly and shook his head, "Gwen, I... I'm going to search. If I so have to search the whole universe..." he trailed off and turned his head to look up into the sky again. Somehow he just _couldn't_ let his hope go. He knew what he had seen, but the universe was huge.

Gwen sadly looked at Jack, fearing that the man was going to go insane, "Jack, we saw. We saw that Ianto-,"

Before she could say more Jack put a fingers against her lips to silence her, so he could keep talking.

"Gwen. The universe is big, probably bigger that you think. And if there's something I've learned while working for Torchwood is that _everything _is possible, and I've got an eternity finding out," Jack said with a faint smile on his face, a hint of the old Jack Harkness could be seen somewhere deep inside.

"S-so... you're just going to leave? Just run off?" she managed to get out with a wavering voice as she looked into Jack's clearly determined eyes, "Ianto is dead, Jack..."

Jack let out a heavy sigh and turned around to just slowly pace around a bit, once more letting the rain wash over him, "I wont stop hoping. I wont stop believing. Gwen... we've seen the dead come back to life several times before."

_"What about... the Risen Mitten...? Well _I _think it's catchy."_

"Jack... not the Resurrection Gauntlets, just _no_," she sternly said.

"No, I wouldn't want Ianto to live like that. He'd hate me for it," Jack said with a chuckle and imagined Ianto's face expression to be woken up from the dead and to see Jack stand above him with the glove against his forehead. Jack was pretty sure Ianto would punch him and tell him to fuck off or something nice like that.

"But if there's items with powers to do that, who knows if there's an object out there that can make one of your wishes come true? Or something that can make a certain event undone? Gwen, you have to admit that it isn't impossible," Jack said and once more looked at Gwen who looked a bit torn up, as if she didn't know what to say or thing about it.

"I..."

Jack smiled at her, "You've got to understand me Gwen. I _need_ to do this. I don't want to set this example, but if Rhys-,"

"Stop it. I... I understand," she said and unconsciously put a hand over her stomach, "I guess I'd do it as well," she said with a weak smile on her face.

Jack chuckled slightly and walked up to her, pulling her into a tight hug, "You and Rhys are going to be great parents, I can already tell it from here. Thought about names yet?" he asked as he parted from her.

Gwen laughed and slapped Jack's arm, "It's 8 months left... but I've told Rhys that I want it to be named Ianto if it's a boy," she said with a small smile on her face, "And Owen as a second name, or he'll come back and haunt me."

Jack laughed again, he could imagine it really, "I guess it doesn't take a genius to say that the kid will be named after Tosh if it's a girl?" he asked with a smile on his face and Gwen only nodded with a smile on her own.

"Gwen, take care of yourself," he then said with a more serious face expression, "And please, don't run off Weevil hunting in your state when I'm gone..." he then jokingly added, trying to lighten up a bit.

Gwen shook her head and snorted, "I'm not insane, unlike you Jack," she stated which made Jack widely grin.

"And isn't that good?" he asked with a laugh and then sighed before he looked up at the sky again, "I don't really have any time to waste. I should start searching immediately, and you should go back home to Rhys," he said with a smile on his face.

"Will you come back?"

"I don't know, Gwen. I can't say," Jack honestly said, "The universe is a complicated thing. I know a lot of it but not close to all... that's the knowledge of the Doctor..." he said, suddenly getting a slightly distant face expression. The Doctor... he could maybe help. If he ever found him again that was. And if he did find the Doctor he'd with pleasure punch the man in his face because he hadn't been there when the world was in a huge crisis.

"So this is good bye?" Gwen quietly asked.

Jack nodded, "It could be."

And with that he embraced Gwen Cooper a last time, kissing her forehead, "No mourning now. You're carrying a new life with you, it's a blessing," he said and smiled, patting her stomach.

"I know Jack, I know..."

"Bye, Gwen. Tell Rhys that he don't have to worry about me stealing you away, he allways seemed jealous but I don't blame him," he jokingly said which made Gwen let out a laugh that was mixed with a sob as she backed towards the door that would lead her to the stairs down.

"He'll be thrilled," she said and smiled as she pulled down the handle, "Bye... Jack Harkness. I'll pray that you'll come back one day, but otherwise I'll _always_ remember you," she said and looked at Jack who just gave her an assuring smile and nodded. With that she slowly turned around, throwing a last look at Jack before the door closed.

Another heavy sigh escaped Jack's lips at the moment the door closed. That had been hard, but in a good way. For once he could part with a good memory, and not a bad one.

"Just wait... maybe our destinies have plans for us," Jack said to himself, "Maybe in five or ten yours and mine will meet again, Ianto..." he murmured.

Maybe it would take him thousand of years. Maybe he wouldn't succeed at all. But if he had something that kept him going that was all he needed. And his memories of Ianto would always be there, pushing him to keep going. To keep moving.

"_If you're interested I've still got that stopwatch."_

Jack smiled as he put a hand in his pocket, bringing up Ianto's stopwatch in front of his face. He hadn't been able to stop himself from taking it with him, it would always remind him of Ianto and his obsession over the thing. He chuckled and shook his head, hitting the button on the top of it which immediately caused it to start ticking.

"Let's put this watch of yours to use one more time," he said with a smile on his face as he let the watch fall back into his pocket. He'd let it keep going. For as long as it would go. And when it eventually would stop, he'd keep going either way.

Because Captain Jack Harkness was determined to not give up on Ianto Jones, not even in death.

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**  
AN:** I guess it's my tweaked version of what happened before that 'Six months later' thingy in the end of Day 5. It did seem that Jack had been searching before he left "for real". So I figured I'd do my version of what I would like to happen. I wanted it to be sad, but yet happy. A bit bitter-sweet. And I actually have to admit that I like this, a lot. Ianto was such a fantastic character! But in my mind he lives on, just as Jack in this fic I'm not going to give up on Ianto!

Fic was kind of based on two different songs: The Ground Folds by Senses Fail, and Vienna by The Fray. Those were the two songs I listened to while writing it!

**So what did you think? Reviewers gets lots of love, as always :)**


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